When I was younger I remember reading somewhere that men liked women who were always happy and smiling. Being in search of love, I innocently made it as a rule for myself to smile more when I was around other people. However I didn't notice much of a difference when it came to my relationships after this decision of mine.
Only a couple of years later, when I learned to see where the happiness and love I was looking for really came from, I started to experience the connection I was ultimately looking for.
Instead of trying to be something more or less, in order to get other people to like me, it became more important for me to be me — My authentic self.
And what I became to see was that the more we come from that place within us, being our authentic selves and not getting too caught up in our thinking how we think we should be, the deeper and more enjoyable our connection with other people becomes.
Playing games vs being yourself
I used to think that I needed to play games in order to win in the game of love. And what I mean by playing games is that I thought I needed to be something that I wasn't in order to find the love that I was looking for. However I didn't understand that people don't respond to our action and the words we use, but rather to the feeling state that is there behind.
If we are not being sincere, others can feel this. If we are not being ourselves we are not present, but caught up in our thinking — And whenever we are not present and we are caught up in our thinking it's harder for another person to feel connected to us.
When we learn to see that being ourselves is more than enough and we relax more to the present moment and become present with the other person, a deeper feeling of connection naturally occurs.
We are responding to a feeling state
Nothing that we say or do matters as much as where we come from when we are with another person. Have you ever been in a presence of another person and felt that they are not telling the truth? That something feels off?
People are responding first and foremost to our feeling state. If we are coming from a place of lack and insecurity, thinking that we need something from the other person, this doesn't feel good to them. From that place, no matter what we say or do — if our hearts are not into it — We cannot make the situation better.
On the other hand if we want to experience more love and a deeper feeling of connection, we want to self come more from that place of love. When we come from that place of feeling content, our presence allows the other person to drop their thinking and become more present too. This way they can also access these feelings of contentment within them and the love we want to experience can be present in our relationships.
We can deepen the feeling of connection with another person, simply by learning to self come more from the place of love and understanding.
Deeper understanding as a key for better relationships
The key for better relationships is always a deeper understanding. Understanding more of our experiences and that where we come from matters.
When I feel in peace within myself my relationship flows and I feel connected to my partner. On the other hand when I feel exhausted and stressed I tend to argue more and feel more disconnected to the other person.
Understanding what is going on can make a huge difference when it comes to our relationships. When we learn to see that our experiences are created internally and are not coming from the other person or our outside circumstances, finding that love, connection and happiness we look for becomes a lot easier.
We learn to see that in those moments when we feel insecure, disconnected or we think that we lack something, we are not experiencing our relationship with the other person, but our own internal thinking — And because our feeling state and thinking always changes we don't need to try to fix ourselves nor our relationships.
When we begin to see this we get less stuck in our negative thoughts, we allow the natural flow of our thinking to continue and our intelligent system can bring us back to balance and to the present moment, where we can experience that love we are looking for and experience our real relationships.
Coming more from that place of love
Understanding more this, where we come from matters and that our experience of our relationships is created internally allows our thinking to settle down, so that we can come back to the present moment. It's in that place of present moment, where we experience that love and contentment we want to experience.
We are already good enough, and when we become more present we naturally begin to show up more as our authentic selves and come from the place of love. — And coming more from that place of love and understanding, being present with the other person, is all we need to be able to bring these qualities into our relationships too.