Why does it look like we sometimes lose our ability to enjoy the other person when the time goes by?
Why in the beginning of a relationship everything often feels easy and then when the time goes by we begin to lose some of that easiness of simply enjoying each others as we are.
What I’ve come to see is that there’s a connection between our willingness to see the other person with fresh eyes again — no matter of the length of a relationship — and in the quality of our relationships.
When we lose our ability to see the others person as new, we also lose some of our ability to enjoy their company.
In this post I’d like to explore how deepening our understanding, and becoming more willing to see the other person with fresh eyes again can deepen the feeling in our relationships and bring back that feeling of connection.
See that change is constant
It’s perfectly normal that relationships change. Everything in our life changes and evolves with time.
Change is inescapable.
We cannot stay in the excitement of falling in love forever, but what we can do is that we can make it our priority to be present with the other person and truly seeing them for who they are in any given moment.
Just like our relationships change, also we change.
And if we get stuck in an idea we have of another person, we lose some of our ability to see them for who they really are. We lose our ability to see them with fresh eyes.
The magic never lies in a certain phase of a relationship
There are different phases in our relationships and maybe one of the most familiar one is the excitement in the beginning when we first fall in love.
When we simply enjoy the company of the other person no matter of the outside world — But relationships evolve and this phase doesn’t last forever.
Sometimes when the time goes by and we face different kind of challenges we begin to miss the spark once felt together.
However when we do this we don’t recognize that the magic was never in the phase we were experiencing, and that we have the same ability to enjoy the other person’s company and feel close to them, no matter of the months, years and decades spent together.
The magic is not in the time or the newness of a relationship, but it lies in our own ability to be present with the other person.
The beauty of the present moment
The connection we feel when we first fall in love comes from our ability to be present in the moment.
When we make it our priority to listen, have our full focus on the other person and see what emerges in front of our eyes, we can feel this connection.
Our priority is simply to be present with them, with not much else on our mind — And this is where the enjoyment comes from.
When we are present with the person who is in front of our eyes, we are able to see them more for who they really are — We are able to see the beauty in them and feel the love that exists in the present moment.
And the only thing we need is to become more present again and have an open mind when we are in the company of our partner, to be able to feel the fulfillment and the love that we are looking for.
Seeing the other person with fresh eyes again
When we become more present, instead of seeing the other person through our thinking, we begin to get a sense of who they really are again. Instead of seeing our thoughts about them, who we have learned to believe they are over time, we begin to see them again.
We have this ability to see our relationships with fresh eyes no matter of the length of our relationships — And this ability emerges when we begin to see how we have been experiencing our relationships through our thinking. We become willing and open up to see the other person again and stop blindly believing our own thoughts about them.
And when we do — When we become willing to see the other person with fresh eyes, we come back to the present moment to enjoy our relationships again.
We come back to the present moment to see the other person more clearly and enjoy the feelings of love and connection that exists in our relationships, when we come back to experience the beauty of the present moment.
Being willing to see the other person with fresh eyes is the key to enjoy more fulfilling relationships no matter how much we change, how much time goes by or the phases we face.
The beauty of a relationship always exists in the present moment, and our ability to become present in the company of another person allows this beauty to emerge and us to become more aware of it.