I remember lying on the floor and thinking that I can’t survive. I was experiencing my first anxiety attack. And what was almost as scary as these intense feelings of anxiety that I was experiencing, was not understanding what was happening to me.
I had always considered myself as a relatively happy and normal person, which is why these intense feelings of anxiety completely surprised me. After all I had never really suffered from anxiety before. So after that first anxiety attack was over what I was left with were these feelings of fear and confusion — And it didn’t take long until I experienced my second attack.
During the second attack however a new though popped into my head: I wanted to find a way to stop the anxiety that I was experiencing. I found myself in front of my laptop searching for answers and came to a website where they said something like this: No matter how you are feeling you will survive the anxiety attack.
For some reason I saw something deeper behind those words and experienced my first profound insight. I saw how my thoughts and feelings in the moment had nothing to do with the reality and how I indeed would survive — In that instant my anxiety was completely gone.
Over the time I began to see how this one of the hardest experiences of my life ended up being one of the biggest gifts that I had received and a beginning of something really beautiful.
Despite of my sudden recovery of anxiety it didn’t really make sense for me what had happened. Why in the first place had I started to experience those intense feelings of anxiety and what was there behind my sudden healing. It wasn’t until a couple of months later I came across an understanding that perfectly explained me my experience, I began to understand.
I came across the Three Principles uncovered by Sydney Banks that explain us our human experience. I learned how my experience was always thought created and how the reason behind those anxious feelings were always our own anxious thoughts. I had been getting caught up in my anxious thinking when trying to figure out what I wanted to do after university, when those stressful, anxious thoughts of mine had created a reaction in my body, resulting an anxiety attack.
This understanding also perfectly explained me my sudden healing. It explained me how my insight about the deeper truth of my anxious feelings had created a shift in my understanding, allowing me to effortlessly let go of anxiety. Realizing this allowed my understanding to further deepen and I found myself experiencing this new sense of wellbeing I had never experienced before.
The biggest shift however I experienced when I learned to see how this same understanding also applies to our relationships.
Love had always been one of the most important things in my life, yet something that I had been struggling with for years. However when I learned to see that my experience of other people and my relationships was always coming from within, my relationships completely changed.
Suddenly I began to feel this new kind of connection with other people and enjoy my relationships in a whole new way. From that moment I completely stopped looking for love and recognized how the love and happiness that I had been looking for always comes from within.
Three months after the love that I had been looking for in a form of a life partner also showed up into my life, in addition to all the love that I was already experiencing in my life.
Change that comes from within.
Fast forward now years later when my understanding has deepened these subtle, gentle shifts and insights have continued to change my life and guide me. Over the years I have been blessed to learn from Elsie Spittle, Chip Chipman, George Pransky, Keith Blevens, Judith Sedgeman, Dicken Bettinger and Jenny Anderson who were all original students of Sydney Banks in form of mentoring, courses and webinars.
Today I can see clearly how we all have already within us everything we need to overcome the hardships and the challenges that we might be experiencing in our lives and how it all starts from within. I feel blessed to share this understanding that has so profoundly changed my life and feel the joy that comes from seeing how it continues to change so many other people’s lives.