This question makes me smile.
Because when I think about me and my partner I have heard several times how we couldn’t be more different to each other. Sometimes we even wonder about this we ourselves.
My partner seems to be the outgoing one, who comes alive when he has a lot of people around him. I seem to be the one who enjoys more deep conversations and having time just for myself.
He’s the one who is very relaxed about where he leaves his things around the house and me on the other hand, I’m the one who loves to have things tidy and in order.
He seems to be the one who is very spontaneous and likes to leave everything to the last minute, when I on the other hand dream and can make plans for months, if not years ahead.
Do differences matter and do these things make us feel not compatible?
No, because we recognize that the feeling of connection is the most important thing in our relationship and how these two things, having differences and feeling close to each other, are not connected to each other.
The only place where differences matter
The only time when I have ever seen our differences as a problem has been when I have been caught up in my thinking.
When I’ve been in my low moods, caught up in negative emotions and have not been able to see the reality, nor my relationship clearly. And as soon as my thinking has calmed down and I have let go of my negative emotions, seeing our differences as a problem has disappeared.
This has happened 100% of the time.
Every time when I come back to the present moment, what I in my low moods considered as a problem now loses its importance. I can see things more in perspective and feel the love and connection in my relationship again.
No matter of our differences.
The state of mind where problems exist
What happens when we get caught up in our thinking is that we lose our ability to see clearly.
Our thinking in the moment is clouded by our negative emotions and we cannot trust our ability to judge.
From this state of mind it’s natural that we see problems. Our low level of understanding makes it look like the other person and our differences is to blame for the problems we experience and the way we feel.
This is an illusion.
Our feelings are always coming from the way we see our reality in the moment, from our own perspective — And never something outside of ourselves.
And therefore our differences do not have the power to determine the quality of our relationships.
Awakening to see what is more true
Awakening to see how this is true allows us to let go of what is not true more easily.
It allows us to recognize the illusion created by our own negative thinking, so that we can move forward without allowing these thoughts to affect us.
We can see that those problems we experience in our low moods look real to us only those times when our level of understanding about life is low. And as soon as our thinking shifts and we come back to the present moment, we experience the reality and our relationships in a new way.
We see life and the other person more in perspective and are not bothered by our differences, because we can feel the connection despite of being different.
The only reason why we before believed that our differences mattered was because we thought that they had the power to make us feel disconnected. Feel less good when it comes to our relationships.
When our level of understanding goes up we recognize again where our experience is coming from, and see how this is not true.
Where does the feeling of connection come from
If our differences cannot affect the level of closeness we feel towards the other person, then what does?
It’s scientifically proven that we are all connected. What stops us from feeling this connection is we getting too caught up in our heads.
When our mind is calm and we are present we naturally feel close to the other person. We can feel the connection that exists between us all.
If we can feel the connection and feel good in the company of another person then why would it matter if there were differences?
The more we learn to recognize that our experience is always coming from within us and how our level of happiness and wellbeing is not dependent on the other person, the less we see our differences as a problem.
The more respectful we become and the more acceptance we have towards the other person and their differences. And the more we can cultivate the feelings of unconditional love when it comes to the relationship.
Deepening the feeling of unconditional love
It really doesn’t matter whether the other person is different to us or not.
The more we see how this is true, the less seriously we take ourselves whenever we experience our low moods and the quicker we can bounce back to the present moment. To the present moment where we can see the beauty in the other person, just as they are, and experience more of the love that connects us all.
Depending on the level of understanding we have about life in the moment, we can either see our differences as a problem, or as something to be grateful for.
When our level of understanding raises we naturally begin to appreciate the other person more as they are. We begin to see that we can learn from our differences and recognize the gift of being able to view the world from the other person’s perspective as well.
Our deeper understanding what is there behind our experience is the key. It’s the key for understanding that the level of connection we feel in our relationship is not dependent on the characteristics of the other person and how we are already connected.
We can allow our acceptance and appreciation to grow, and allow the unconditional love to fill up our relationships more.
Sharing an understanding that allows us to connect more with that deeper part within us, so that we can find our own answers from within, find that greater sense of wellbeing and have relationships that feel good. Receive my weekly emails about love and wellbeing or learn more about my 30 Day Relationship program and One-on-one coaching here.