The other day I was watching Marianne Williamson talking about the importance of cultivating peace in today’s world. She mentioned how war is the absence of peace, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that peace is only the absence of war. This got me thinking about our relationships when it comes to love and to the problems we experience.
We are many times used to believe that in the absence of our problems, when we are able to overcome those challenges that we are caught up in, our relationships flourish. But this is not necessarily the case. For us to be able to enjoy good relationships, what we all really need is the presence of love.
And it’s in that presence of love that not only do our relationships flourish, but also our problems seem to disappear — Not the other way around.
It’s perfectly natural that we all experience problems from time to time. However the idea that a certain problem can stop us from fully enjoying our relationships is always limiting our ability to experience love.
First of all our problems don’t really exist in our relationships, but they exist in our state of minds.
Whenever our level of awareness goes down and we get caught up in our thinking, we see the world through a negative lens created by thought. And because of this limiting thinking that we experience, we see problems. This happens naturally for everyone of us because the nature of our experience is ever-changing. Our level of awareness always goes up and down — That is never the problem.
The problem however is when we don’t understand what’s happening.
When we take our own lower level of thinking too seriously and believe that in order for us to feel good again, the other person needs to change. Or we believe that we need to solve a specific problem we are momentarily caught up in, in order for us to feel the fulfillment.
When this is our level of understanding we will never allow ourselves to fully enjoy our relationships. After one problems is solved, there will always be another one around the corner as soon as our mood and level of awareness goes south again.
As an example me and my partner have had a period of time when we have argued more than usually. And we have both had a different experience of the same situation.
Given to the level of my understanding, despite of those moments of low that I have experienced, I have been able to see the deeper truth behind my experience. I have known that we have both simply been momentarily caught up in our low moods and thinking. My partner on the other hand has really believed that there has been a specific problem to be solved in order for us to feel the fulfillment again.
Needless to say which one of us has been suffering more.
The level of fulfillment and love we want to experience is never dependent on our outside circumstances. There are no problems we need to solve in order for us to be able to feel good. The only thing we ever need is a shift in our understanding, for us to be able to shift our awareness from our problems back to love.
So when we — me and my partner — were finally able to let go of our personal thinking, we were both naturally drawn back to the beauty of the present moment again, where we were both able to experience these beautiful feelings of love and fulfillment again.
Like I mentioned before, it’s perfectly natural that we get caught up in our thinking and see problems from time to time. We all get fooled by our thinking when we experience our low moods and lose our perspective momentarily.
Understanding this is the key. Because it’s always our deeper understanding and ability to let go of our stressful thinking that determines the quality of our relationships. It’s our understanding and ability to let go of that what doesn’t serve us and has been drawing us down, that allows us to become aware of the love again.
The less attention we pay to our stressful thinking and so called problems, the more easily and effortlessly we can always bounce back to the beauty of the present moment again. The beauty of the present moment where not only do we enjoy our relationships more fully and are able to feel the beautiful feelings of love and connection, but also where all the solutions exist.
Because it’s in that place of present moment when we are able to see what is more true, we are either able to recognize how there never really was any problem in the first place, or the clarity of the mind that we have will allow us to shift our focus from our problems to solutions. Which is basically the same thing.
In the absence of love, we always experience problems and struggle. When in the presence of love on the other hand, all our problems seem to disappear and what we are left with is simply love and understanding.
Sharing an understanding that allows us to connect more with that deeper part within us, so that we can find our own answers from within, find that greater sense of wellbeing and have relationships that feel good. Receive my weekly emails about love and wellbeing or learn more about my 30 Day Relationship program and One-on-one coaching here.