— And how to have good relationships more effortlessly.
“Love is the natural state of our relationships.” — Rohini Ross
We are often told that we need to work on our relationships in order to be able to enjoy them more. We think that the other person needs to be in a certain way, spend more time with us or be more understanding in order for us to feel good again.
Working on things may seem to bring us some relief, but does it really create the change that we are looking for?
When we learn to understand where our experience of relationships comes from working on relationships stops making sense to us anymore. We begin to see how having good relationships can happen naturally when we allow ourselves to come back to the present moment.
Why we believe we need to work on relationships
In the beginning of a relationship everything often goes well — Until at some point everything starts to go wrong. When we first fall in love with the other person we enjoy being with them, learning to get to know them and truly listen to them.
We feel connected to the other person simply by being close to them, or just thinking about them.
When the time goes by it sometimes looks like we lose the feeling of connection. We begin to think that we already know the other person and we stop being present with them. When we lose the feeling we begin to look for ways how to feel close to the other person again. That’s when we often feel compelled to work on the relationship in hope for a change.
We think that if only we communicated enough, spent more time together or if the other person gave us more attention, we could feel good again —When in reality how close we feel to the other person has nothing to do with them, nor the relationship, and everything to do with our own ability to be present.
Why do we lose the feeling of connection?
It has been said that we are all connected.
What stops us from feeling the connection is a busy mind. When we are in our heads, caught up in our thinking, we are experiencing our own stressful thoughts instead of experiencing the moment.
When we begin to believe that we already know how the other person is, what they are saying before they even open up their mouth, we have left the present moment. We are experiencing our own thoughts about the other person instead of being present, listening and experiencing the real relationship — That is when we begin to feel disconnected.
We don’t need to work on the relationship and change our outside circumstances to feel close again. We just need to realize that we are experiencing our own stressful thoughts, instead of experiencing the real relationship. When we begin to see this and how the feeling of disconnection is created by a thought, a lot of our thinking can fall off.
We can stop analyzing and trying to work on things and we can come back to the present moment to experience the real relationship and bring back that feeling of closeness.
Having good relationships effortlessly
When we begin to see that the feeling of connection is something that we can never lose, only become unaware of, working on our relationships stops making sense to us.
Having good relationships is the natural state of our being and only getting caught up in our heads can stop us from experiencing this. The feeling of connection we think that we once lost is still there — It has only been covered by our personal thinking.
When we understand that we cannot really lose the feeling, having good relationships with others and feeling the love that exists in our relationships becomes more effortless.
We always fall back into the feeling of love
There are times when I still forget this. I get caught up in my thinking and forget that the natural state of our relationships is love. For a moment I argue with the reality and believe that something needs to be different. However given to the understanding that I have today I soon catch myself, and realize that I’m caught up in my thinking.
When I see this, my mind begins to calm down. I suddenly see things more in perspective again. When my mind quiets down I fall back into the feeling of love.
Understanding more how love is the natural state of our relationships, where we always fall back into as soon as we let go of our thinking, allows us to have a sense of ease and wellbeing when it comes to our relationships, even when we are having our moods.
We can see that there’s really nothing we need to do in order for us to have good relationships. There’s nothing to work at. In fact, the less we do and the less thinking we create around our relationships, the more easily we can fall back to the present moment and fall back into the feeling of love.
Thank you for reading the post. Feel free to leave your insights and questions below — I’d love to hear from you.