When I think about what effortless relationships mean to me, this is what first comes to my mind.
It doesn’t mean that everything is always pure joy and love when it comes to our experience.
However what it does mean is that there is much more love and joy for us to experience, simply because of our own ability to get over ourselves and connect with that feeling of love within us.
Those times when we get caught up in our thinking, feel disappointed, sad or resentful, we tend to get over ourselves much quicker.
Those times when we experience a challenge or argue with the other person, we tend to take ourselves less seriously and let go of the feelings of stress sooner.
We become more resilient.
We tend to get over ourselves and our stressful feelings and recognize what is there left for us to experience when we do.
— Pure love.
When we see beyond our own stressful thinking, challenges and low moods, we let go of the things that weight us down and return back to this place of peace, love and understanding within us.
And when we do this not only do we have more time on enjoying ourselves and the other person, but also we begin to recognize the madness that created the problem that we a moment ago were caught up with in the first place.
We begin to have more time on enjoying the love and the feeling of connection when it comes to the other person and to fully enjoy our relationships.
We begin to spend less time in our heads and we become more present. And from this place of presence the experience of love is always guaranteed. If we’re unable to feel the love, we’re not present.
From this place we begin to see beyond our own limiting thinking and recognize how our thinking in the first place was the cause of our problems.
We begin to see our relationships and the other person more with clarity, more as they truly are and more through the eyes of love and understanding, when our mind is not clouded by our stressful thinking.
And from this place we either recognize that there never really was any problem in the first place, or the challenges that we experience resolve themselves effortlessly.
To give you an example in my relationship there was a time when I thought that my partner was not present enough with me. I felt like it was hard for me to feel the connection in our relationship, because he was not present.
However, given to the understanding that I have, I knew that the feeling of connection that I feel has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with my own ability to be present with him.
Being able to recognize this simple fact created more space in my mind and allowed me to see more. It allowed me to recognize how I had been feeling more stressed lately and had simply not been at my best, and how my own level of thinking was stopping me from experiencing the connection in our relationship.
The more I recognized how this was true, the quieter my mind became and the more I started to see, compared to that moment when I was caught up in my own thinking and blaming my partner for the low level of connection that I was experiencing.
I began to recognize how my partner had been very busy with his work and was probably exhausted. No wonder he was not that present with me.
And now instead of feeling frustrated with him I found the feeling of connection and compassion from within, and without anything outside of me needing to change, I was able to bring back that feeling of connection.
And the most funny thing is that over time when I stopped paying less and less attention to how present my partner was and I was simply enjoying his company, the more present he turned out to become.
I didn’t even fully register this until a couple of months ago when he shared with me the things that he thought that he needed to change, and one of them was that he wanted to be more present with me.
That’s when it truly hit me how he had turned out to become more present with me during these past years than what I could have ever even dreamed of — And he hadn’t even realized this for himself.
There’s something about paying less attention to those things that our minds in our low moods see as a problem, and paying more attention to these feelings of love and connection when we experience them.
Being grateful for the other person and for what we have, and when we do this things will only end up getting better.
This doesn’t mean that there are no things that we never need to discuss about or change, but doing this from the place of deeper understanding and goodwill will again allow us to move to that direction where we truly want to go.
The more our own understanding deepens the more beautiful our world always becomes.
The more we begin to see what it is that is keeping us stuck, and what it is that we need for us to enjoy those loving and effortless relationships that we truly want to experience.
Recognizing the fact that our experience is created from within, and how therefore we have the power to change our experience will guide us on the way.
The more we begin to see beyond our own personal thinking, the more present we become and the more effortlessly everything will begin to flow.
The more present we become in the company of the other person and the more willing we’ll become to see beyond our own stressful thinking to that what is more true, the deeper feelings of love and contentment we’ll experience when it comes to our relationships — And the easier life becomes.
Those effortless, loving and fulfilling relationships that we truly want to experience are always created from within.
Sharing an understanding that allows us to connect more with that deeper part within us, so that we can find our own answers from within, find that greater sense of wellbeing and have relationships that feel good. Receive my weekly emails about love and wellbeing or learn more about my 30 Day Relationship program and One-on-one coaching here.