Can you recall a time when you’ve been struggling.
A time when you have shared with your partner, or a friend, the difficulties that you’ve been facing and how you have experienced a sense of relief when they have been listening.
Without any words of advice, you’ve began to feel better.
Most of us we are aware that when we listen to the other person we are being helpful. But what we many times are not aware of is the effect listening can have on us, ourselves and our relationships.
Listening, when done with an open and quiet mind doesn’t only help the other person, but also allows us to connect more with that place of wellbeing within us.
Connect more with that place of wellbeing that will allow us to deepen the feelings of love and connection when it comes to our relationships.
The kind of listening that is helpful
Sydney Banks used to say that whenever we truly listen to the other person, we cannot think at the same time. When we cannot think at the same time, this means that we are being present with the other person.
On the other hand if we listen and think about something else at the same time, analyze what has been told or think how to respond, we cannot really hear what has been said.
We are hearing our own thoughts, even if it is about what has been said, instead of truly hearing the other person.
Maybe you can recall a time when the other person has been checking their phone or reading their emails at the same time when they have been having a conversation with you. This kind of listening is not really helpful, nor does it serve the relationship, and can easily leave us feeling disconnected.
On the other hand there is the kind of listening when we are being present with the other person. The kind of listening that serves us and allows us to feel better and feel more connected to the other person.
Listening with a quiet mind
True listening always comes from our hearts.
When we listen to the other person with an open and quiet mind, we are able to hear what has been truly shared. We are able to hear beyond the words that has been used and connect with the feeling.
It’s the kind of listening when our partner might be complaining how we spend too much time working and we are able to hear the true message behind those words. We are able to hear how they would love to spend more time with us.
And the kind of listening when the other person is being overprotective and reminds us to be careful, and we can feel their love and care hidden in those words.
This kind of listening allows us to let go of our personal thinking.
We become more present in the company of the other person, hear more deeply and listen to the feeling. From this place feelings of compassion and connection naturally arise and we begin to feel closer to the other person.
Not only do we feel good and feel connected but we also end up being more helpful, no matter of the challenges we or the other person might be facing.
How listening can help us
When we come from this place of presence within us and truly listen what has been said, the other person can feel this. Our presence allows their mind to start to quiet down and they’ll begin to become more present too.
It is not what we say that makes the difference, as much as the place where we come from within us.
When their mind begins to quiet down and they begin to find themselves becoming more present too, they’ll begin to feel better. They start to touch that place of wellbeing within them, and hear the guidance and wisdom we all have have within.
When their personal mind quiets down and they touch that place of wellbeing within, they’ll feel the connection too.
And from that place they’ll know what to do.
Listening that deepens our relationships
What listening does to our relationships is that it allows us to become more present, and connect with that place of wellbeing within us.
The one who listens — truly listens — can begin to hear beyond their thinking and feel the warm feelings of connection. From this place feelings of compassion, kindness and unconditional love naturally arise.
The one who has been listened can sense our presence, which will help them to let go of their thinking as well. They can begin to fall out of their heads, to this same place of presence with us.
This place of presence where not only do we feel better and feel more connected to one another, but also from where the solutions that exist become more obvious to us.
When we come from this place of presence, not only do we end up being more helpful to the other person than what we realize, but also we end up bringing us closer to one another.
It is in that place of present moment where all the love and connection we look for exist.
What an easy and enjoyable way listening can be for us to deepen the feeling when it comes to our relationships, offer our support and love and see beyond our challenges, when we truly learn to listen with our open minds and hearts.