What can we do when we feel like our needs are not being met when it comes to our relationships? This is one of the questions that I have lately received.
When I think about this question what first comes to my mind is that what do we believe our relationship is here for?
Do we believe that the other person is here for us to feel good and feel loved? If so our needs will never be fulfilled — That’s the hard truth.
For us to have our needs met we need to recognize the true source of our fulfillment. The other person can never make us feel anything, but the feeling of contentment always comes from within.
Whenever we feel like the other person is not spending enough time with us, we believe that we would be happier if we got to spend more time together.
When in real life happiness is always created from within. As soon as we let go of our personal thinking and experience our own inner being, we feel happy.
When we believe that as soon as we find that feeling of connection again, we’ll feel good again, we don’t see things as they truly are.
That feeling of connection never comes from the other person, but always comes from our own ability to be present in the company of the other person. As soon as we have that calm mind we can get a sense of the connection that already exists between us.
And if we believe that we need the other person to become more present so that we can feel better, then we don’t really recognize what is creating the feeling of wellbeing when it comes to our relationships.
Whenever we feel like we need something from the other person so that we can feel good, so that we can feel loved, our thinking is out of alignment.
We don’t recognize that the only person who can ever make us feel unloved, is we ourselves. When we take our own negative thinking too seriously and don’t recognize that our thinking is creating the feeling that we are momentarily experiencing.
When we let go of the kind of thinking that weights us down, a whole new reality opens up for us.
We begin to see things more in perspective, see things more as they truly are. Our thinking becomes more aligned with our inner being. Our true self.
From this place it’s easy for us to recognize how the only person that can ever meet our needs is we ourselves. That’s when we stop expecting others to do the impossible and meet our needs. It’s never their job.
And as soon as we do this, as soon as we lose our expectations, our needs will be met. There’s no other option.
Because it’s in that our state of acceptance that is free from all expectations where we find love. Where we find fulfillment.
When we let go of our own personal thinking and our mind clears, we are able to sense these feelings of love and contentment that are always here for us to experience. As soon as our mind calms down, we experience love. And it’s in that same place where we find that feeling of connection as well.
The other person doesn’t need to spend more time with us in order for us to feel fulfilled. They don’t need to be more present in our company so that we can find that feeling of connection. Our needs don’t need to be met.
Our needs are only our own creative ways how we self stop us from experiencing love.
And the funny thing is that when we lose our expectations and find that feeling of fulfillment and love here and now, it’ll also be very likely that the other person will feel drawn to spend more time with us. They will much more likely find that feeling of presence in our company. Because it simply feels good to be with a person who is not in their heads expecting their needs to be met, but is present with us.
When our happiness doesn’t anymore depend on these things, but we become happy here and now our so called needs will automatically be met and our wishes fulfilled.
What we first wanted becomes secondary, when we recognize where the true fulfillment resides.
In the present moment where our mind is free from stressful thinking, resides all that love and happiness that we can ever experience, already here for us to become aware of.
And when we begin to see how this is true and experience the joy that comes out of that, our needs will be fulfilled, the feeling of connection becomes inevitable and we become free to love and feel loved without expectations.
We become free to love unconditionally, that is the only true love that exists anyway.
Sharing an understanding that allows us to connect more with that deeper part within us, so that we can find our own answers from within, find that greater sense of wellbeing and have relationships that feel good. Receive my weekly emails about love and wellbeing or learn more about my 30 Day Relationship program and One-on-one coaching here.