Last week when my partner came back home we got into a silly fight.
We were both really tired and could easily have avoided this little conflict of ours, if either one of us had been in a better state of mind.
What was really interesting for me was that from the beginning to the end, I was completely aware how silly it was.
I was aware that we were both saying things that we didn’t really mean and that as soon as we’d let go, we’d fall back into this place of wellbeing of ours. Everything would be fine again.
Everything was already fine.
Even if I couldn’t resist getting back into my old, habitual, negative thinking, I was having a deeper perspective and understanding of what was going on.
I was experiencing my wellbeing despite of my negative thinking in the moment, and despite of being in the middle of a disagreement.
This wellbeing of ours is always there, whether we realize it or not. Whether we choose to pay more attention to our stressful thinking instead of the wellbeing we have within — It never leaves from our side.
We cannot control our thinking
Many times we believe that in order for us to do and feel better in life we need to think more positive. This is when trying to control our thinking comes along. However despite what we are used to think, we cannot really control our thoughts.
We cannot know what is the next thought that we’ll experience — Don’t take my words for granted, but feel free to try it. And if we cannot even know our next thought, how can we control our thinking? This is why trying to think more positive doesn’t really make sense.
It’s a lot of work and hardly gives us any results. Because there is a difference whether our thoughts and feelings are genuine or whether we are trying to convince ourselves to think and feel in a certain way. The feeling is different.
Not only is it impossible and a lot of work to try to control our thoughts, but it’s also very unnecessary.
Because the nature of our thinking is that it’s always changing. Therefore not only are we here to experience all the emotions under the sky, despite of our efforts of control, but also those stressful and negative emotions are only ever temporary visitors.
In fact, the less we try to control the natural flow of our thoughts, the more in flow is our experience and the more we are able to experience our natural wellbeing.
We don’t need to think positive to experience our wellbeing, but our wellbeing lies beyond our thinking.
Wellbeing beyond your thinking
We all have our inner wellbeing and it’s there before our thinking.
It’s there available for us whether we think positive or negative — And it’s there for us whether we are aware of it, or not.
This wellbeing of ours is there no matter of our experience. Whether we judge our thinking to be negative or positive, it’s that neutral space of our being.
Just like our thinking is always there — there’s no experience without thought — our wellbeing is always there available for us. It’s part of a different system, and therefore independent of our thinking.
It’s that space of less thinking.
And we are gifted with this free will of ours which we can use either to get more involved with the content of our thinking, or to become more aware of what’s going on and connect more with this wellbeing of ours.
Free will to choose
Even if we cannot control our thoughts, we have some control over how involved we get with our thinking and what is the direction we want to look at.
If it’s not our positive thinking that determines the quality of our life and the sense of wellbeing we experience, then what is it? It’s our ability to be aware of the fact that we think — Our awareness.
In the middle of a difficult situation and a storm of our thoughts, our awareness where our experience comes from moment to moment gives us clarity.
It gives us a cushion not to get too deeply involved with our negative emotions, so that we can more easily stay in our wellbeing and bounce back into the natural state of our being — Which is balance.
We don’t have to have control over our thinking, but what we do have more control over is how we react to our thinking — Recognizing and being aware that we do think, and that our experience and feelings are coming from our thinking.
And when we have this much of an awareness, we do have a choice. We can decide whether we want to listen to the content of our thinking, that many times takes us deeper into our negative emotions — Or whether we want to connect with that awareness and wellbeing within us.
We have a free will to choose whether we want to listen to our thoughts, or see beyond our thinking to that wellbeing within.
Using feeling as a guide
Like Sydney Banks used to say, we are gifted with this gift of thought to navigate through life.
We don’t need to have control over our thinking or our feelings, but our feelings as they are, are here to guide us.
In contrast what we are used to think our feelings are not here to give us information on what’s happening around us. They are here to let us know how much we can trust our thinking in the moment. The heavier and more negative our thinking is, the more closed is our mind and the harder it’s for us to see with a clarity of mind.
On the other hand the more peaceful and calm is our thinking, the more open mind we have and the wider is our perspective. From this state of mind we can trust our thinking in the moment and trust that we do see our situation clearly.
The more we listen to those positive feelings and thoughts of ours, that naturally arises within us, the more we connect with our wellbeing and the more content life we create.
The more we are aligned with the reality.
It’s not that we need to control our thinking or feelings to create more positive life and deepen the feeling of wellbeing, but the more we listen to our inner guidance and overlook our negative thinking and listen to those positive feelings of ours we already have, the more wellbeing we find within us and in our lives.
Awakening to your inner wellbeing
When I woke up the next morning, my partner was hugging me and whispered how good it was that everything always resolved itself and we always got back to this.
We always get back to this place of our wellbeing.
Whether we are mentally there to recognize it or not, our wellbeing is already there available for us. The more present and aware we are, the easier it’s for us to see.
And yet, we can experience this wellbeing even in the midst of a disagreement, guiding us and giving us a wider perspective of whatever situation we find ourselves in. Allowing us to know that we are already fine.
Being aware that our experience is coming from within — 100% and from moment to moment — allows us to stay in our wellbeing more, no matter of the quality of our thinking we have in the moment.
It allows us to have a deeper understanding of our human experience, and connect more deeply with the wellbeing and wisdom within.
The wellbeing that is always there, and given to the level of our awareness we can either experience it in the moment or wait, and allow our system to bring us back to balance where it’s easier for us to get a feel of.
Regardless of the quality of the thinking in the moment, we have always the possibility to instantly awaken back to our wellbeing.
How wonderful and comforting it is to know that despite of life’s little downs, we are only ever one thought away, a shift in our understanding, from experiencing our own inner wellbeing.
Sharing an understanding that allows us to connect more with that deeper part within us, so that we can find our own answers from within, find that greater sense of wellbeing and have relationships that feel good. Receive my weekly emails about love and wellbeing or learn more about my One-on-one coaching program here.